remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize