he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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