I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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