Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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