haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
