did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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