My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
