Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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