She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
