There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize