Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
