come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize