omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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