Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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