Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
