On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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