she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
