but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
