Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
