Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
