just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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