all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
