so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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