she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
