I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
