Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
