it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
