dude i'm inner monologue high
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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