Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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