you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
