dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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