They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
