I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
