My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize