that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
