How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
