I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
