i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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