I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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