I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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