I hate all girls vehemently.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
