dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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