it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
