Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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