just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
