all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
