My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize