The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
