Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
