____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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