I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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