just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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