I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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