i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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