I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize