Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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