What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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