im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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