Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
