I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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