this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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