I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
