Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
