I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
