I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
