when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
