i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
