More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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