woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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