he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
