my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
