I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
